Shortly after the 2024 US Presidential election, Brené Brown wrote a post about hope as the antidote to despair.
When Trump was elected for a second time, I wanted to feel despair. I wanted to feel lots of things, but mostly all I felt was exhaustion.
Partially from listing to election coverage but mostly because on November 5th I had my fallopian tubes removed in a sterilization procedure called a Bilateral Salpingectomy. I spent the following week recovering at my friend’s family cabin and avoiding the news.
The knowledge that I can never get pregnant is reassuring following the election. Control over and joy in my body is important to me, and with this step I have increased both.
And oh my, has my delight in my body been increasing.
Fun fact about hormonal birth control, it can affect libido! Along with never wanting to have a child, I chose surgical sterilization because I have noticed a decrease in my – admittedly high – sex drive over the past few months, as a result of my birth control. Now that I am fully healed and no longer taking the hormones, my sex drive is getting a bit out of control.
I’m standing at the kitchen counter typing this, annoyed that I’m meeting my personal trainer in 40 minutes and I don’t have time to masturbate before I leave.
There’s a bottle of lube and my favorite clitoral massager on the coffee table next to the coasters.
I’m supposed to be writing this blog post but I keep drifting into fantasies of strong hands and soft thighs…
Where was I?
Yes. Hope.
Reignited exuberance in being a sexual creature has given me reason for hope.
I don’t mean hope as an emotion, but as a tangible goal. The awareness that I have the power to bring myself pleasure, and the good fortune to bring it to other people.
I have been creating joy every day, in little bursts of ecstasy, through physical pleasure. Sexual yes, but also sensory in other aspects, like the feeling of soft dough stretching between my hands as I prepare food for the people I cherish.
The smell of dirt and grass rising from the leaves that crunch under my feet when I walk my dog.
During morning yoga, the delicious stretch in my hamstrings as I bend over and place my palms flat on the ground for downward dog.
All these small pieces of happiness are my hope for myself and for you reading this, whoever you are.
And if our paths cross, I hope we can micro-dose some joy together.
~Phryne